October 2010
1 post
WORD OF THE DAY
Schadenfreude - N. German. Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.
July 2010
1 post
i need a break.
from reality.
April 2010
1 post
acceptance
i cant stress enough how much life just keeps getting better and better for me. im surrounded by trustworthy and awesome family, friends, and coworkers, actually managing to save money (see: beer, weed, bitches), just got accepted into the acu. program that, 5 months ago, i hadnt even pictured myself mustering up the balls to apply for, and yes… my skin looks RADIANT. for those who, like me,...
March 2010
17 posts
I feel free when the world doesn’t owe it to me/ I see clear when the world doesn’t show it to me.
after much careful brainstorming
me, briana, and big keith have decided to all co-create an NGO targeted at meth addicts hailing from san bernardino, california. we are currently in the process of putting together a meth-addict stimulus package which will include a fully funded annual supply of face wash, lighters, tin foil, $30 via moneygram, windex, and newspapers for your local basehead in need. for your more ambitious...
“if you cant dazzle em with brilliance. then baffle em with bullshit.”
– i live my life doing both. @ the same time.
i could give a fuck about that redundant self...
i’m all me baby believe it.
so much creativity in the world i know we're not...
but that shouldnt mean we dont have an undeniable obligation to equate ourselves with such. there IS something brilliant about humanity, but some humananoids just let it go too much to the ego. think, speak, breathe, and love naturally, yall. life is full circle.
bizzybody
dmv in the morning (contrary to popular opinion, i really dont mind the dmv. i like to people watch. especially in fontana.) then st. patty’s day @ werkt tomorro. must find time to clean, laundry, reconcile homeworks, pack, then traverse off to san diego w my buddies for a much-needed night of debauchery. be back friday hoppin right up on the grind @ 6. find a spot to knock this 20 pgr off...
wow.
there is nOTHING better than impromptu displays of amazing talent caught on blackberry voice notes. hahahah for those who don’t know yet….. roe is a rapper. a madd rapper. like melt in your ass and not in your hand rapper.
never fail
to stay up late for no goddamn reason. esp when we KNOW we’re tired. why is abusing the human body so easy??
einstein
a question that sometimes drives me hazy; am i or the others crazy?
“on some teleprompter shit… i’ll have you watching your words.”
everything that glitters aint gold
and everyone that wanders is not lost.
lotta times i feel the urge to post some visuals/additional filler media up on my blog—art, fashion exemploria (i am 99.9% sure thats not a real word, but it serves as a 100% fair substitute for the word i wanted to use but cant think of rite now), awesome youtubes and such, but i rarely (if ever) do. you can owe my essential lack of content on this...
okay.
i’m 21 years old. an age where i guess youre “supposed” to have grown past high school shit. yet… when i do reveal my age to random somethings in my daily life, they tell me i’m “supposed” to make mistakes, and enjoy my life while i’m so young. im sort of inbetween… but leaning slightly more towards the latter. mainly because i have a penchant...
sometimes
YOU need to learn how to shut the fuck up. also. lol
sometimes
i just need to learn how to shut the fuck up. lol
vanity
wondering if i should smash all the mirrors in my room to smithereens. i can almost feel it sucking the soul out of my body.
psycho germ
sometimes i like to liken myself to all three main female characters on f.r.i.e.n.d.s. phoebe for her quirky little somethings. rachel for her hopeless flirtatious disposition. and monica for her almost deadly obsession with cleaning. i clean like a fucking madman. mind you, i used to be a very dirty girl, for a majority of my life in fact—physical testament to the heinous clutter of worries...
February 2010
5 posts
you are the morning bird who sang me into life.
i invest too much
in what other people think of me. always have. partly due to my all too human desire to be accepted and liked, partly due to the fact that i know i have something great to share with the world and i cant share it with anyone if they dont truly believe in my integrity. how do you find the right balance???
on another note, ive given up fb and twitter for my own personal lent. everyones giving up...
solitude
i need more of it. being around too many people makes me stressed out. i can do the small talk shit—but let’s keep it @ that and put the idea of a more in-depth friendship on hold cuz seriously… i’m a mess. when i’m out every night that is. i would never ever hold up under a famous lifestyle. so many freaking bodies everywhere. i swear after even a couple of hours of...
men
i dont claim to be the smartest person in any room, i dont even claim to be a highly intelligent person— but i got intuition and common sense like a mother fucker with a strong sense of compassion to boot. and i am def more than willing to admit when i’m wrong or if someone else points it out to me. but come on man. when i actually know im right, you better freaking believe it....
everything is happening in 2's
i’m starting to take a heavy interest in numbers. but im not good @ math. am i a loser??
January 2010
13 posts
i would like
to start taking an active initiative to like competitive sports. i dont follow basketball, or football, or baseball. somehow i feel there is something fundamentally missing from my life.
i've got 4 hours to kill
so i shall list 4 random things
1. i really like it when im sitting near someone in a public place, and when they get up to go to the bathroom, they ask me to watch their stuff for them.. i like to pretend we’re best friends, and they went to go grab me a frappucino or something.
2. i love animals. i wish i could stop eating them as much as i do.
3. i have a crush on like …. every...
technology
both astonishes and scares me.
solitude.
the best medicine. currently recharging myself via separation from human organisms.
bad call
pink floyd-time was the worst choice of alarm clock song in the whole effing world. why did i think that would be a neat idea???
decisions
how are you supposed to know the difference between being a fiercely loyal friend, or just making a completely unnecessary sacrifice of self for someone who may or may not stab you in the back regardless of the things you’ve done??
emotion
what the fuck is emotion anyway?? i can openly (and regrettably) admit that i am the suckiest person @ expressing, understanding, or showing true, raw emotion of any kind. sadly, i leave it festering inside for very long periods of time—then EXPLODE when someone says or does the wrong thing @ the right occasion. consider yourself my real friend if you have seen this extremely embarrassing...
leadership
is one of the very few things in life that you can just LEARN. you can kick all kinds of knowledge to your brain about every fucking subject that’s ever been studied, but to be a true leader, one who is capable of influencing others, organizing a mass of people and ideas, structuring life from an idyllic spiritual standpoint to a physical manifestation—you cant just pick that up from a...
secrets.
i got a lot of em. that way i know if someone really likes me for me. not necessarily for my petty past. not necessarily for the things i’ve accomplished. i want to know they like me just for my being. my vibrations. my impulsive ideas. my infinite and ageless future.
today is monday and i dont got shit to do. i usually like to do the whole errands bit. bank. laundry. clean. homework. and...
growth
simply cannot happen unless i open my eyes to the distorted reality that has paralyzed my own ideas about myself. ive literally become so afraid of that person i used to be that ive actually turned into kind of an asshole.. and then tried to label it as strength. im now realizing just how wrong i was.
22.
You were born under the most powerful and potentially the most successful of all Life Path numbers. It offers you the extremes of life’s possibilities: on one hand, you have the potential to be the Master Builder, the person capable of perceiving something great in the archetypal world and manifesting it in the relative world; on the other hand, you can slip into the ...
DEAR JOURNAL
i think i should start recording the shit i actually do cuz most of what i blog is just a bunch of thoughts that have already been thought a million times but i cant help what i feel. so here it goes. i suppose ill go over my entire week seeing as i never do this. um. on monday i went to work. we have a new manager named marie. and she is a fucking godsend. i love her. she doesnt steal my money or...
it has taken me many years
but i finally am realizing how difficult it truly is for people to get close to me. in the past it was an admittedly insecure defense mechanism on my part, but when the time came that i moved past whining and could give a fuck less about that nagging critical voice inside my head i can now say its because i just like to be alone. i love my solitude. my favorite part of the day is coming home, and...
December 2009
0 posts
#confession
i love the internet. i love searching through people’s facebook/twitters/myspaces. i am that creepy person who knows everything about you via your latest blog. at times its a little sad (lol), but i mostly like to pride myself on my superb ability to pick up on all those little nuances about people that most overlook. im losing my point… anyway. over the years ive become quite the...
November 2009
6 posts
organization
now that saturn is no longer in virgo i can feel my personal organization skills goin out the window. is that weird.
when i grow up
i hope that i will be able to openly practice my religious beliefs without my fam condemning me. i mean i love them and they love me of course, and we get along very well for the most part, but i think thats mostly cause over the years ive made it a habit to conceal any opinion i have about the church. i have two parents and three sisters formerly catholic now turned conservative evangelical...
lol
i get so offended when people stop following me on twitter. i know i shouldnt. but i just…. do. lol
when i was a kid
i used to find comfort in the fact that if i ever was in a dangerous situation, someone older than me would go out of their way to rescue me. i liked being cared for, being looked after, and i would actually feel scared for this older person because i couldnt fathom their bravery. now that im older and love little babies and would jump in front of a moving vehicle for them im realizing that it...
$
1. work is way more stressful than it should be. its not a difficult job—its actually pretty damn easy w the capacity to be super fun, but wen your boss is tweaking—well lets just say it makes work politics really messy. and i actually really love my boss as a friend, but work is work, and wen it comes down to it, your boss… is still your boss.
2. on a completely different note,...
October 2009
2 posts
friends
aren’t forever. and thats something that i will be learning the rest of my life. i might as well let it sink in now.
these next few years
are going to be a doozie if ever there was a doozie to be goed.
September 2009
6 posts
“let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair”
summer is almost over!!
and it rocked. found a new dance team, in the process of orchestrating one bad ass bday party, felt 16 again @ blink and no doubts first tour in 5 effin years, blossomed with a summer stranger, discovered a new side to old friendships, got kicked out of some places, got invited to better ones, all in all i give it a 9.5. that extra half was because ij is still locked up. and i miss him. and his...
people are like seasons
dress accordingly.
palm springs
hot as hell. full of old people and gay people. but briana and i had a fantastic weekend!! her fam is this huge tribe of mexicans that like to pick on each other. i found it quite refreshing. especially since my fam is kind of reserved. different. our relatives like to think of us as the black sheep. and then that trickles down to me—the black sheep of the black sheep. ive always been very...