May 2012
1 post
mother's day
every year i’m FB-bombarded with long, elaborate dedications from all my friends to their mothers. it’s very sweet, but something that i know very little about. me and my mom live in the same home, but we’ve been estranged for years. of course we were affectionate in childhood, but once i started sprouting my legs and it was obvious that i had no emotional need of her, things...
April 2012
2 posts
“A genius can be a genius by trying to be a genius; a visionary can only have a...”
– Chuck Klosterman
putting Po to sleep tomorrow
poor thing. she had an abscess behind her eye that ruptured and basically infected her entire left face. the skin’s fallen off and she pretty much looks like a monster. and i feel like a monster having let her live this way for the past two weeks.
she’s such a good dog, but there really is no other way than this. death happens to everything, so i’m not really broken up over it....
March 2012
1 post
i'm on the DOUBLE A
but i’m thinkin’ TRIPLE X.
February 2012
1 post
it is truly amazing
the direct correlation with how much my teacher lectures, how interested my facial expressions look, and how much i am not listening.
i know i should pay attention more in class but i just cant help but feel this is all some dilly dally time-consuming precursor to state boards (which they pretty much are) soo… just give me the notes. i’ll read them. and peace out. such is my go-to...
October 2010
1 post
WORD OF THE DAY
Schadenfreude - N. German. Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.
July 2010
1 post
i need a break.
from reality.
March 2010
14 posts
after much careful brainstorming
me, briana, and big keith have decided to all co-create an NGO targeted at meth addicts hailing from san bernardino, california. we are currently in the process of putting together a meth-addict stimulus package which will include a fully funded annual supply of face wash, lighters, tin foil, $30 via moneygram, windex, and newspapers for your local basehead in need. for your more ambitious...
“if you cant dazzle em with brilliance. then baffle em with bullshit.”
– i live my life doing both. @ the same time.
so much creativity in the world i know we're not...
but that shouldnt mean we dont have an undeniable obligation to equate ourselves with such. there IS something brilliant about humanity, but some humananoids just let it go too much to the ego. think, speak, breathe, and love naturally, yall. life is full circle.
wow.
there is nOTHING better than impromptu displays of amazing talent caught on blackberry voice notes. hahahah for those who don’t know yet….. roe is a rapper. a madd rapper. like melt in your ass and not in your hand rapper.
never fail
to stay up late for no goddamn reason. esp when we KNOW we’re tired. why is abusing the human body so easy??
einstein
a question that sometimes drives me hazy; am i or the others crazy?
“on some teleprompter shit… i’ll have you watching your words.”
everything that glitters aint gold
and everyone that wanders is not lost.
lotta times i feel the urge to post some visuals/additional filler media up on my blog—art, fashion exemploria (i am 99.9% sure thats not a real word, but it serves as a 100% fair substitute for the word i wanted to use but cant think of rite now), awesome youtubes and such, but i rarely (if ever) do. you can owe my essential lack of content on this...
okay.
i’m 21 years old. an age where i guess youre “supposed” to have grown past high school shit. yet… when i do reveal my age to random somethings in my daily life, they tell me i’m “supposed” to make mistakes, and enjoy my life while i’m so young. im sort of inbetween… but leaning slightly more towards the latter. i want to be a responsible adult...
sometimes
YOU need to learn how to shut the fuck up. also. lol
sometimes
i just need to learn how to shut the fuck up.
vanity
wondering if i should smash all the mirrors in my room to smithereens. i can almost feel it sucking the soul out of my body.
psycho germ
sometimes i like to liken myself to all three main female characters on f.r.i.e.n.d.s. phoebe for her quirky little somethings. rachel for her hopeless flirtatious disposition. and monica for her almost deadly obsession with cleaning. mind you, i used to be a very dirty girl, for a majority of my life in fact—physical testament to the heinous clutter of worries and anxieties that have...
February 2010
5 posts
you are the morning bird who sang me into life.
i invest too much
in what other people think of me. always have. partly due to my all too human desire to be accepted and liked, partly due to the fact that i know i have something great to share with the world and i cant share it with anyone if they dont truly believe in my integrity. how do you find the right balance???
on another note, ive given up fb and twitter for my own personal lent. everyones giving up...
solitude
i need more of it. being around too many people makes me stressed out. i can do the small talk shit—but let’s keep it @ that and put the idea of a more in-depth friendship on hold cuz seriously… i’m a mess. when i’m out every night that is. i would never ever hold up under a famous lifestyle. so many freaking bodies everywhere. i swear after even a couple of hours of...
men
i dont claim to be the smartest person in any room, i dont even claim to be a highly intelligent person— but i got intuition and common sense like a mother fucker with a strong sense of compassion to boot. and i am def more than willing to admit when i’m wrong or if someone else points it out to me. but come on man. when i’m right…. like really right… i am RIGHT....
everything is happening in 2's
i’m starting to take a heavy interest in numbers. but im not good @ math. am i a loser??
January 2010
13 posts
i would like
to start taking an active initiative to like competitive sports. i dont follow basketball, or football, or baseball. somehow i feel there is something fundamentally missing from my life.
i've got 4 hours to kill
so i shall list 4 random things
1. i really like it when im sitting near someone in a public place, and when they get up to go to the bathroom, they ask me to watch their stuff for them.. i like to pretend we’re best friends, and they went to go grab me a frappucino or something.
2. i love animals. i wish i could stop eating them as much as i do.
3. i have a crush on like …. every...
technology
both astonishes and scares me.
solitude.
the best medicine. currently recharging myself via separation from human organisms.
bad call
pink floyd-time was the worst choice of alarm clock song in the whole effing world. why did i think that would be a neat idea???
decisions
how are you supposed to know the difference between being a fiercely loyal friend, or just making a completely unnecessary sacrifice of self for someone who may or may not stab you in the back anyway???
emotion
what the fuck is emotion anyway?? i can openly (and regrettably) admit that i am the suckiest person @ expressing, understanding, or showing true, raw emotion of any kind. sadly, i leave it festering inside for very long periods of time—then EXPLODE when someone says or does the wrong thing @ the right occasion. consider yourself my real friend if you have seen this extremely embarrassing...
leadership
is one of the very few things in life that you can’t just LEARN. you can kick all kinds of knowledge to your brain about every fucking subject that’s ever been studied, but to be a true leader, capable of organizing ideas, structuring life from an idyllic standpoint to a physical manifestation, being able to let people put their faith in you and actually keeping your promises to...
details.
most things should never be shared with someone youre first meeting. that way i know if someone really likes me for me and not the picture they’ve created based on some standardized checklist. where do you work? do you go to school? do you like the red hot chili peppers? omg. who cares. i want to know they like me just for my being. my vibrations. my impulsive ideas. isnt that the point? to...
growth
simply cannot happen unless i open my eyes to the distorted reality that has paralyzed my own ideas about myself. ive literally become so afraid of that person i used to be that ive actually turned into kind of an asshole.. and then tried to label it as strength. im now realizing just how wrong i was.
22.
9 + 2 + 3 + 1 + 9 + 8 + 8
While in many aspects the 22 is the most promising number, it is also the most difficult to live up to. You have a great ambition, which can be a most difficult master, driving you to accomplish all that you are capable of. You are a steady partner in any relationship. You offer sound advice and consistent emotional support. You do not suffer from...
DEAR JOURNAL
i think i should start recording the shit i actually do cuz most of what i blog is just a bunch of thoughts that have already been thought a million times but i cant help what i feel. so here it goes. i suppose ill go over my entire week seeing as i never do this. um. on monday i went to work. we have a new manager named marie. and she is a fucking godsend. i love her. she doesnt steal my money or...
it has taken me many years
but i finally am realizing how difficult it truly is for people to get close to me. in the past it was an admittedly insecure defense mechanism on my part, but when the time came that i moved past whining and could give a fuck less about that nagging critical voice inside my head i can now say its because i just like to be alone. i love my solitude. my favorite part of the day is coming home, and...
December 2009
0 posts
#confession
i love the internet. i love searching through people’s facebook/twitters/myspaces. i am that creepy person who knows everything about you via your latest blog. at times its a little sad (lol), but i mostly like to pride myself on my superb ability to pick up on all those little nuances about people that most overlook. im losing my point… anyway. over the years ive become quite the...
November 2009
6 posts
organization
now that saturn is no longer in virgo i can feel my personal organization skills goin out the window. is that weird.
when i grow up
i hope that i will be able to openly practice my religious beliefs without my fam condemning me. i mean i love them and they love me of course, and we get along very well for the most part, but i think thats mostly cause over the years ive made it a habit to conceal any opinion i have about the church. i have two parents and three sisters formerly catholic now turned conservative evangelical...
lol
i get so offended when people stop following me on twitter. i know i shouldnt. but i just…. do. lol
when i was a kid
i used to find comfort in the fact that if i ever was in a dangerous situation, someone older than me would go out of their way to rescue me. i liked being cared for, being looked after, and i would actually feel scared for this older person because i couldnt fathom their bravery. now that im older and love little babies and would jump in front of a moving vehicle for them im realizing that it...
$
1. work is way more stressful than it should be. its not a difficult job—its actually pretty damn easy w the capacity to be super fun, but wen your boss is tweaking—well lets just say it makes work politics really messy. and i actually really love my boss as a friend, but work is work, and wen it comes down to it, your boss… is still your boss.
2. on a completely different note,...
October 2009
2 posts
friends
aren’t forever. and thats something that i will be learning the rest of my life. i might as well let it sink in now.
these next few years
are going to be a doozie if ever there was a doozie to be goed.
September 2009
6 posts
“let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair”
summer is almost over!!
and it rocked. found a new dance team, in the process of orchestrating one bad ass bday party, felt 16 again @ blink and no doubts first tour in 5 effin years, blossomed with a summer stranger, discovered a new side to old friendships, got kicked out of some places, got invited to better ones, all in all i give it a 9.5. that extra half was because ij is still locked up in immigrant jail. and i...
people are like seasons
dress accordingly.